Dear Human Race,
I hereby tender my resignation with immediate effect.
I have been offered a position for which I feel I am more qualified and from which I will receive more satisfaction. The Galactic Committee of Planet H35-C in the 6th Dimension has offered me the opportunity to become an alien on their planet. Planet H35-C is a planet filled with homosexual men, who are perfectly proportioned and all of my age range and ethnicity. The inhabitants of this planet mate for life, and are not at all afraid of emotional attachments. They are appalled by casual, no strings attached sex. There are no heterosexual people on this planet, and there are no hate crimes or prejudices between any groups.
I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for all of the invaluable experience I have garnered whilst living amongst you as a member of the human race. Never, in all of my extensive space travels, have I ever encountered as much hatred, prejudice and bigotry among such a similar band of beings, and for such insignificant reasons such as race, sexual-orientation, religion or political beliefs. The sociological results of my research of your planet will keep our universities busy for millennia.
Also, never before has my kind encountered beings which are capable of waging wars without thought for the real reasons behind these wars without regard to the cost in lives of your own brethren. This is still something that I am trying to understand, as it would appear that you, yourselves, do not fully understand the implications of the wars you wage.
Lastly, the final reason for my leaving your Planet would be the unsafe environment which has been caused by your species. My kind is used to planets that are lovingly cared for and, which, in turn, nurture us as a species. The pollutants on your planet have reached alarming proportions and, it seems, that your living conditions are more important to you than the living conditions that you are forcing upon future generations of your kind.
Yours sincerely,
Me
(Former Member of The Human Race)
P.S. There will be a transport ship coming to collect me. Once I have been safely removed from your planet, a device that I have hidden on your planet will be activated. Once this device is active, chemicals will be released which will make all of you turn into those things you hate, fear or mistreat. Black people will become white, and vice-versa. Men will become women and vice-versa. Heterosexuals will become homosexuals and vice-versa. Christians will become Muslims and vice-versa. Democrats will become Socialists and vice-versa. Previously defenceless plants and animals will become man-eaters, and man will become defenceless. We feel that this could be the last chance for the survival of the human race, and wish you luck in your future endeavours.
gayguy86 